: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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