just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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