I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
