The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
