He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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