im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
worst night to have a conscience
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
