Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
