Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
