The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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