Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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