and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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