why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
