ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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