That's when you crack a 10am beer
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
