Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
