Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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