Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
