he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
