Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize