eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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