Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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