He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
