He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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