This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
