i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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