he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize