Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
