My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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