That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
