That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize