I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
