Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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