weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
