Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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