He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
where are my eyebrows?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
