I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
