If i come over, it means nothing
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
