Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
