I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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