I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
