dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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