I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
