i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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