sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
