I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
