New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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