True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
