my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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