wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You ruined the universe
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
