Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
