i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
