Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
