i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
