My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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