dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Randomize
