did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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