I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
