come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
