yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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