hell yes lets make some ravioli
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
