id be glad to
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
