The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
