I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
