I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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