What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
