Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I did not marry a roomba.
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