omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
