So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize