help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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